By Emily Soltan
With the online dating world becoming so common, it’s becoming easier to go on more first dates than ever before. Sometimes it seems like everyone is looking for the next best thing. Since swiping left or right has become so normal to us, we are being noncommittal and going on a lot of first dates.
Let’s say your first date was “just fine.” The conversation flowed well; you both laughed some; and you had a few common interests. On paper, it sounds like a great date but, for some reason, people are finding excuses to just go back to swiping and continue “first-dating.”
Listen, people are dating their brains out right now. Some people have over three dates each week with someone new each time. The problem is dating burnout. If I go on three new dates in the same week, I am probably having all of the same conversations over and over. Where are you from? Where do you work? What do you like to do for fun? This can get exhausting – especially for people who don’t go on second or third dates. The worst thing that can happen to someone single is getting burnt out – so you need to try not to get to that point where you give up. If you ever feel like you’re getting tired of dating, follow these rules to stay sane:
Before you go on the first date with a person, make sure you get to know them a little. Don’t say yes to everyone. I always give the advice to not go out with someone who says, “Where do you want to meet for drinks?” in the first initial “hello” message. This person is most likely a serial dater, sent that same message to five other people, and is just waiting to see who responds.
Before you plan to meet up with someone, send a few messages over the app you’re using. Then give your number or ask for theirs. After that, spend a few days texting or talk on the phone prior to agreeing to meet. By doing this, you’re putting time into getting to know someone and you will both feel more invested when you finally go on the first date.
Become curious. Don’t treat the date like an interview. You should be asking questions and then be curious about their answers and engage more. If you’re sitting at the opposite side of the table, just throwing out 20 questions but not really listening to the answers, then the date can become exhausting. The more curious you are about the other person, the more they’ll feel like you’re engaged, and, since you’re likely to be learning new things, the more fun you’ll both have.
Take some time to rest. Don’t exert all of your energy on dating. Set limits for yourself. Maybe you can only handle one new date a week – and that’s okay! Listen to your gut and manage your time. The better you feel about yourself, the more positive you will be on the dates. Everyone loves people who are positive (just don’t overdo it!).
Let go of the people who are “breadcrumbing” you. Defined by Urban Dictionary as “the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal, text messages (i.e., ‘breadcrumbs’) in order to lure a sexual partner without expending much effort,” it’s becoming more common in the dating world. The biggest reason to ditch these people is because they’ll drain you. Let’s say you really like someone and they text you, “How’s your week going cutie ;)?” and then never really responds to you after that. They are trying to just keep you around for when they’re bored. This becomes really frustrating because you might really be into the person and you’re really excited they’re texting you. Reality needs to set in, you need to realize that they are just keeping you around for convenience and, ultimately, they are going to disappoint you.
Once you realize this is happening to you, jump ship; moreover, don’t breadcrumb others. In addition to it being a waste of your time and energy, dating is about making yourself and others feel yummy not crummy.