By Sarah Kathryn Walmsley
Who wants to admit they’re in their midlife? I suppose dating in midlife would be considered mid-30s to early 50s? The 35-50 group is comprised of a variety of backgrounds.
The key to being single is to know who you are and understand who’s attracted to you. So, your dream guy is George Clooney – great! Do you look in the mirror and see someone who resembles Amal in terms of looks and accomplishments? Everyone must get real. A guy in his late 40s with two kids is not likely attractive to a never-married 28-year-old woman who still has roommates and parties on weekends with her college friends. Ask not who you are attracted to, but who is attracted to you?
Another key factor is style. Maybe you don’t think about yours very often, but you should take some time each year to put effort into it. It can take years off your appearance to have a hip vibe about you. Be your best self. People are often more vain in their teenage years and 20s. But then, in their 30s and beyond, they just kind of stick with a predictable, safe style. Why do that when you have so many choices?
When clients say, “I’m 45 but feel like I’m 30!” I wonder if they really have hung out with any 30-year-olds lately. You might not notice the softer skin with wrinkles, but others do. So enjoy that feeling in your head but, again, get real. Also if you think you look/act/feel significantly younger, and you only want to date younger, why do you think you can – why would you even want to – pull this off? There are people around your same age that look and act just as amazing as you do. If you want to be an ageist, that’s your call – but rest assured you will be similarly judged.
By the time you’ve reached midlife, you should have already learned that you’re not a perfect judge of others. If you say you have a type, but have never found the one, you clearly don’t know your type. If you seriously want to get into a long-term relationship, you should open up on some of your “requirements.” Not sure if you’re too picky or not? Ask a friend. And, when in doubt, if you want a husband, check out your friends’ husbands. Chances are they aren’t all glamorous, tall, funny, or rich. They are probably nice guys with good jobs who love their wives and their lives. Why waste time trying to find (and keep) someone who’s perfect, when you’ll be better happier finding and keeping someone who’s perfect for you.
I hope that this advice helps. Settling down between the ages of 35-50 is an ideal time to do it. By 35, you know what singles are on the market and understand how difficult dating can be. When you find someone special, it is easier to transition into marriage. And you also know yourself, what you can tolerate, and what you need. And, when you’re on the other side, and you’re happily married, you won’t look back and regret missing out on those “fun single years.” You’ll be living and loving your midlife up!