The 3 Biggest Reasons Why You Are NOT Finding Love…
The 3 Biggest Reasons WHY Your Are NOT Finding Love are:
1) “I’m Just Too Busy!”
2) “I Am Afraid That He Won’t Call Back”
3) “I Am Confused”
Let’s take a deeper look at each of these reasons (excuses) why your are NOT finding love today.
I AM JUST TOO BUSY!
We all live in a busy world, probably the busiest lifestyle in the history of the world.
Let’s examine this “excuse” why you are not finding love today and uncover a solution to this dilemma.
Why are you too busy?
Are you working too many hours (to have a real life)? We all need to work or at least have a means of support, but we all need other people and other experiences outside of just work to feel fulfilled, to feel happy.
So let me ask you…
“If you are commuting 2 or 3 hours a day, working 6 (or 7) days a week, and always arriving home drained, exhausted, and probably grumpy – then, how happy are you?
What would make you life better?
Would a warm hand reaching for yours, or a brand should welcoming our tired head and holding you close at the end of the day improve your lifestyle?
Would coming home to a welcoming embrace make you happier.
Would not sleeping alone in your big king size bed make you happier?
Ponder these questions for a moment.
I AM AFRAID HE WON’T CALL ME BACK
Another reason why you are not finding love today, based upon the people we talk with seem to be the that you are truly afraid he won’t call you back – then the first thing you might want to do is read my previous article “How to Be the Most Irresistible Fish.”
First, what is causing you to feel that he won’t call you back?
Do you have doubts about your appearance? If you do what can you do to change it? What can you do to look more attractive (or even more seductive)?
Get a new hairstyle, get you nails and toes done, buy a new pair of killer shoes (you know you’ve been lusting for those ???).
Second, is your insecurity real?
Most people find it difficult to look at themselves objectively in the mirror or to see themselves on video or in a photo.
But, are you really unattractive compared to other people? Be honest, you are probably at least a 6 or 7, right?
Are you nervous about your social skills, or which fork to use?
Be real! If he finds you interesting and sees the life and sparkle in your eyes, then he is probably not going to be paying any attention to which fork you use. If you really sweep him off his feet, then maybe he’ll feed you and you won;t have to worry about silverware at all!
Now, last, be truthful – are you just attempting to avoid being uncomfortable?
Are you creating a “mountain out of a molehill” as my Grandma used to say?
Granted, meeting a new person can be a bit awkward, uncomfortable, and even full of surprises (good and bad)), but let’s look at the alternative.
How comfortable is sitting at home on the sofa with your cat Saturday night, after Saturday night while your friends are out having fun. While your friends are telling you stories about meeting new guys, going to new and exciting restaurants, and even going on day trips.
Your cat is probably sick and tired of you absorbing all of his “me time.” So get up, dust yourself off, go buy those killer shows and start dating (again).
While you are fabricating every excuse in the world why you should NOT choose to be uncomfortable for a few minutes on a first date – one of your friends is sharing a delicious romantic “first kiss” somewhere right now and feeling those joyful butterflies in her stomach again.
I AM CONFUSED
Are you really confused or are you just lying to yourself again to avoid admitting to yourself the real reasons why you are not finding love today?
What are you confused about?
Are you telling yourself that you absolutely do not want to be in another relationship – all the while cursing your cat for being your only companion?
Are you telling yourself nobody wants to spend time with me?
Are you telling yourself you are boring?
Are you telling yourself you are too fat to go out to dinner?
Are you telling yourself I’ll never find love?
The cure for confusion is to get crystal clear on what you require to be happy and feel loved.
Let your mind wander for a few minutes…
what would “Mr. Right” look like?
What would Mr Right smell like?
What would “Mr. Right” dress like?
What would Mr. Right say that would take your breath away?
Are you getting a clear picture? Is he coming into focus?
Does he have a rippling six pack or more of a caring “Dad Bod?”
Is he tall or is he short (do you prefer to look up into his blue eyes or to see him more on and “eye to eye” equal basis?
Hmmm, I bet as you indulge in this daydream you are already starting to feel warmer and brighter – and maybe just a tad disappointed because your Mr. Right is only a fantasy right now.
Maybe it’s time to get out some paper and a pen or crayons and start to create your Mr Right.
So now that we have dug deeper into your fears lets look at 3 solutions to what’s holding you back:
No matter how busy you are, you can arrange you day creatively (at lest until you decide that is worth going cold turkey and kicking the deadly, devastating, and depressing workaholic habit.
Ask that tall quiet guy in accounting to meet you before work over a cup of coffee (after all you heard him confess that he like the music of ??? too). So at least you know you have one thing in common. Find out what other music he like, what song gives him goosebumps.
Speak up to the guy you sneak glances at everyday at Whole Foods when you stop by on the way home from work. Better yet ask him what wine he recommends to go with the dinner items in your cart – then suggest he join you for a glass of wine and some quiet conversation sometime.
Grab a Philly Cheese Steak with that sharp dressed guy you are going to see again at the conference this weekend.
Be Creative – Be Assertive – Be Happy!
Now about that nagging little fear that he just won’t call you back – forget it!
Focus on making him so eager to gain your approval, that he is worried that you will not accept his invitation. Do not make him grovel. But, do not be too easy either.
If you follow the tips in my Irresistible Fish article, then he’ll be texting or calling you before you even take off your coat after you walk in the door to tell you how much fun he had with you and how eager he is to see you again ASAP.
As the “woo-woo” crowd and the business consultants say – “Feel the fear and do it anyway.”
The more chances you take the easier it gets!
If you are still confused – then, you are probably either just in denial or hiding from the invisible monsters under your bed.
Grow-up, put your big girl panties on (you know the lacy ones with the little red bow in the front that make you feel so sexy and naughty) and ACT!
Try doing the Mr. Right exercise above at a specific time each day? Every day your vision of “Him” will get brighter and clearer.
Suddenly, one day you will notice that some one, some guy is standing out?
That’s because when you have a clear image of what you are seeking, what you require to be happy and fulfilled,then you will recognize “him” when he comes into view.
Then be brave…
Walk up and say something like – “It’s so strange, I have been daydreaming about a guy just like you – are you really as good as my fantasy?”
That should definitely start a conversation.
So in summary…
If you are too busy – leave time for fun (or at least creatively structure your work lifestyle to encourage fun and the chance meeting of Mr. Right).
If you are afraid that he won’t call back – be so irresistible that he would never take a chance on losing you by dragging his heels (and if he does not call back then you know he did not have the balls thong with you anyway)!
If you are confused – “Get Clear!”
You cannot have what you cannot see. If you have not decided what make you feel happy, fulfilled, and satisfied – then how are you going to recognize “Him?”
Tell us you fears in the comments below…
Share your victories over fear and doubt…
Give your personal feedback and tips to those who have shared their struggles in the comments?
What advice can you share with someone who is struggling with this challenge?
XOXO,
SKS
Founder 1on1Matchmaking
& 8 at 8 Dinner Club
Need a next “First Date?” Call me! I have dozens of hot, successful, and fun men an women ready to meet you – who are each waiting for they next “First Date,” and maybe even their “Last First Kiss!”
Find Love Tomorrow! – (404) 355 – 4646